Little Flock, Little Flock

I apologize for being lame and skipping a week of blog writing. Based on the title of my blog page, it’s safe to say it’s pretty obvious I’m not so dependable in this department.

It’s also kind of hard to keep the public updated about what’s going on this summer. Since it has taken some time to build a relationship with the hospital we work at, putting anything on Facebook that could halfway offend them and jeopardize the relationship is just too risky. If you would like an in-depth update, please message me your email and I’ll add you to the list.

The past two weeks have been a bit of a rollercoaster ride.

I even threw up one night. Ya, it’s real.

Last week I was battling with a bunch of anger (classic), but not just my normal genetic anger that I often wake up with for no reason.

This was full blown bitterness at God. A few months ago, doubt started to creep in but I was able to brush it aside. By the beginning of last week, I was wrestling with more questions and angry thoughts than I knew what to do with.

I was David. My thoughts were Goliath.

After quite a few choice statements and temper tantrums, Jesus graciously blessed me with peace that I had been longing for but nowhere near deserved.

Add in some typical woman emotions, throw up, and an awkward European massage, it made for one crazy week.

This week, however, I was blessed with some pretty laid back days. We had a huge team at the baby hospital, so my time there was split in half. The time I actually was there was spent standing to the side and helping the team members work the babies.

The Lord graciously gave me plenty of time to dig into His Word and placed scriptures on my heart to stone down those ugly thoughts and fears.

Goodbye, Goliath. Ain’t nobody got time for you here.

A few weeks ago while looking through Luke 12, Jesus said something that really hit home.

Do not be afraid, little flock….

How do you respond to those words? For me, my heart fluttered.

When I read them, I feel safe. I imagine Jesus scooping me up in His strong arms, holding me tightly as He whispers sweet words of truth.

Do not be afraid, little flock.

How endearing!

One of the little toddlers I work with has had a rough life. He has been traumatized in more ways than one, so you can imagine the fears that constantly run through his precious mind. Fear is his go-to emotion and when he is afraid, he gets angry. He doesn’t know how to feel or how to communicate except through hitting, kicking, and screaming.

Most of my time with him is spent holding him tightly while humming a song and praying scriptures over him.

Do not be afraid, little flock. You’re safe here with me. I’m not going to hurt you. You can rest here in my arms and know that nothing is going to harm you. I am with you. I love you, sweet lamb.

If only he knew how much I mean the words I whisper to him. If only he would trust me.

But wait…

If only we knew how much Jesus means the words He whispers to us. If only we would trust Him.

I’ve realized that the doubts that had been creeping in my mind started with fear. Fear of the emotions that I would experience here, fear about the future, fear about the unknown.

When I’m afraid, I get angry. I fight everything and everyone. The battle in my mind was not against God, but fear. Fear that He would let me down, fear that He wouldn’t give me what I thought I needed, fear that this summer would break me down with no ability to be repaired.

Do not be afraid, little flock…

Last week, when I was kicking, screaming and biting, the Lord quietly whispered to not be afraid, to trust Him, to rest in His arms while He kept me safe from harm.

He promises us that He is our Good Shepard, He will lead us by quiet waters and make us lie down in green pastures. He will look for us when we stray and rejoice when we are safe in His arms again.

When I think of His words, “do not be afraid, little flock,” it’s the “little flock” part that truly gives me peace. He’s not just telling us to not be afraid; He is bringing even more love by giving us a name. Little flock.

He is talking to us all. We aren’t just some giant heard that He talks to in general terms. We are His little lambs.

Think about when you were a child and you were afraid or hurt. “It’s ok, baby. I’ll help your hurt.” “Don’t you worry, child. I have it under control.”

There’s so much more comfort when there is a term of endearment attached to the phrases.

While I won’t be able to heal this little boy’s hurt over the next few weeks, I will be able to keep him safe for now. I can rest easy in knowing that Jesus has the power to scoop him in His arms and whisper, “do not be afraid, little flock.”

Each one of those babies has a special place in my heart. I hate that I won’t be able to see them grow up, that I have no clue what their home is like, that I know I can’t save them in a few short weeks.

But I love that they each have a special place in the arms of our Shepard. They are not hidden from His view. They haven’t strayed; they are in a special pen with Little Flock written on a sign above the gate. And I know that He will take care of them long after I am gone.

Father, thank You for taking care of us when we are afraid. Even when we lash out against You, Your arms have the power to calm us, restore us, and comfort us. Jesus, I know that Your eyes are always on us. Nothing in all creation is hidden from You; Your eyes have seen our unformed bodies. When we are tired, You make us lie down in Your green pasture. When we are lost and feel alone, You place us in Your lap and keep us with You until it’s safe to put us down. You are near to us and I know this will never change. Praise You, Lord, for Your love. Oh, how we don’t deserve it, but You, God, believe that we do. Thank You.