I had every intention of starting to process the summer on the 9-hour flight home. But the only thing I could find the strength to do was stare at the seat in front of me as music played in my ear.
My mind couldn't think.
My hand couldn't write.
I barely had enough strength to answer the guy sitting next to me when he would ask me questions.
I couldn't decide if I was ready to be home or not. Of course I wanted to be with my family, but it didn't seem real that I was leaving my babies for good.
When we finally landed in Houston, it took all of my strength not to plow down everyone in front of me. I knew my sister would be waiting for me next to my parents; my eyes filled with tears numerous times on the flight home just thinking about wrapping my arms around her.
I exited the baggage claim and busted through the doors. Emotions overwhelmed me as I saw my family waiting for me.
I was finally home.
That night when I walked through the door, I saw pictures that I had emailed printed out and framed on a beautiful hand-made picture frame. That's when it hit me.
I broke down.
What seemed like hours later, I finally calmed down and Dad loosened his grip on me.
It didn't seem real.
I couldn't be home.
Not this soon.
Friday and Saturday are still a blur. Words were hard to get out of my mouth and the slightest thought of my babies caused me break down.
I felt like a zombie, constantly staring into space and unable to pay attention to the people around me.
Sunday morning, I had the opportunity to talk about my summer in my parent's Sunday school. I was a mess. Bless their hearts, I'm pretty sure I barely made sense since I still hadn't processed all of the summer.
The amount of support was overwhelming. They prayed over me after I talked and I can't even count how many tight hugs I received that morning.
I was a walking basket case. During the worship service, Dad put his arm around me and I bawled like a baby.
By Sunday afternoon, I was exhausted. Emotionally, spiritually, physically. But somehow The Lord gave me the strength to get through a dinner with some dear friends without breaking down.
Luckily most of the tears have stopped.
Well, I'm not so fragile anyways.
I'm still having a hard time getting through the days, however. I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to talk. My patience is slim and my temper is short. My sarcasm is at an all time high and I'm finding it easier to not say anything at all since most of my responses are blunt and honest.
It's been difficult for me to get into the Word and take time to journal. It feels like I used so much energy and strength during the summer that my mind is trying to recover. I'm praying for Jesus to revive my soul and mind these last few days before school starts.
I'm thankful for the summer and all The Lord taught me. He showed me how to love without reservation and what it means to surrender everything I have. I will forever cherish the memories with my babies and I'm confident that The Lord has big plans for them.
I want to thank everyone again for all the support and prayers. I know that the emotions I'm feeling now are temporary and that the next few weeks will bring healing and peace, it's just hard to truly feel it when my heart feels like it's in pieces.
Please don't hesitate to call, text, or message me if you want to know more about my summer. It helps me process and I truly enjoy telling others about my babies and how good our Savior is.
Thank you again for joining me on another summer journey. I can't wait to see what The Lord has in store.
And I promise that my next blog won't be so boring and deep. Funny Haley will return shortly.
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