Heartaches and Lifeboats

Picture this:

You’re out on the ocean with the love of your life, both steering the wheel on a beautiful ship with sights set on a journey meant to last forever. You both notice a few dark clouds in the distance, but you brush it off as a storm that will quickly pass. Before setting sail, you had made a commitment to stick through the storms, preparing and planning for the worst of them. A few dark clouds were nothing compared to the some of the storms you knew the two of you would face.

The waves start crashing a little more than expected. You still believe with all your heart that it’s nothing you and your love can’t endure. But what you don’t realize is your love is beginning to fear the storm.

You race to get rain coats and life jackets. You grab hold of the steering wheel tight and squint your eyes, focusing on trying to find the clear skies ahead. You become so focused on facing the storm that you can’t see the terror in their eyes.

Right when the worst is about to come, your love tells you they can’t see facing this storm together. Confused, you start questioning them and telling them everything you can think of to make them understand it’s only a small storm; it’s nothing the Lord can’t carry you both through.

But it’s too late. The lifeboat has been thrown; your name is written on the side.

Confused, broken, angry, you plead your cause one last time.

The lifeboat is lowered.

You’re on your own to face the storm alone.

Determined to make it, you shift your focus back on the clear skies ahead, searching and scanning, desperately trying to find some light in the darkness.  

The confusion and anger continue to flood your mind, but you shake your head and begin praying even more to the only One who can save. Scripture floods your mind and through your tears, you start to see a break in the clouds.

Your heart starts pounding, the engine strains, you continue racing faster toward the peace you know lies ahead.

The rain lets up, the sting in your eyes starts to ease. You begin to shout to the Lord, praising Him for providing shelter when you least expected it.

You’re almost through the storm. The light is shining brighter than you could have imagined.

You see the dock ahead with a figure standing, waiting with arms stretched out.

You keep racing, keep straining the engine, keep focusing on the Man waiting for you.

Before it can come to a stop, you’re scrambling to get out of the lifeboat. You run as hard as you can, throwing off the rain jacket, brushing the hair away from your face.

In one swift motion, you’re grabbed and lifted up into the strongest arms you’ve ever been embraced by. Tears pour from your eyes, both from exhaustion and overwhelming joy.

That’s when the sweetest voice whispers in your ear, “Do not be afraid, little flock. I have chosen you and not rejected you.”

And in that moment, a peace like you’ve never known overwhelms you.

Hand in hand, you walk away from the dock and continue on your journey, trusting that the road you never expected to be on is, in fact, just the road you needed to be on after all.

Amazing, isn’t it? You think you’re on sail for one destination only to be overthrown and heading some place you least expected.

Well, that’s exactly where I’m at.

A week before the “month of love” starts, I found myself with a never worn little black dress, tags just taken off, heading back to Tyler.

Alone.

Dumb. Really, really dumb.

Just like in the story above, anger, hurt, and confusion flooded my mind. It was easy to point the finger, one moment at myself and then the next at them. One thought was filled with, “how dare they say that,” and the next filled with, “Lord, I trust You.”

Break-ups suck.

Whether you’ve been dating for twenty days or twenty years, whether you’re the one doing the dumping or the one being dumped, they’re awful.

Dumb. Just really stinking dumb.

Hearts are broken, angry words are said, and confusion becomes your best friend.

They’re everywhere. Things in your apartment, pictures in frames, songs on the radio.

Dumb. SO DUMB.

At some point, however, you have to wipe the rejection stamp off your forehead and live the life you’ve been given.

For me, that usually doesn’t take too long to do. I mean…I’m Haley stinking Peddy, after all.

I’m a fighter. I’m a runner. I’m determined.

Since that awful Sunday afternoon, the Lord has overwhelmed me with promise after promise, truth on top of truth.

I’m redeemed. I’m chosen. I’m not lost or forgotten. I’m a princess. I am His.

That's the truth that keeps my feet moving, my heart focused.

It’s a truth we can all cling to.

We are His.

Not by anything we have done on our own, but because He believes we are worthy.

Read over the book of Hosea. He was a prophet told by the Lord to marry a prostitute. He knew she would go back to prostitution again and again.

But he never stopped pursuing her.

When she felt unworthy, he told her she was loved. When she couldn’t understand why someone so pure could love someone so dirty, he told her he's staying.

We are Gomer. God is Hosea.

He pursues us relentlessly. When we turn away, when we go back to sin, when we can’t understand why Someone so perfect could choose someone so filthy, He tells us He loves us.

That’s the hope I cling to.

True love is God’s relentless pursuit of us.*

He pursues us and woos us with such grace that we have no other desire than to choose Him. *

When we can’t think straight, when our eyes can’t see clearly, we choose Him.

We choose Him by trusting Him.

In all things.

When it’s hard to let go, when it’s difficult to understand why, when it seems as though the storm has no end in sight, we trust Him.

Why?

Because He pursues us through the storm.

Because His promises are everywhere.

In our darkest hours, in our most broken moments, that’s where His mercy and grace finds us.

When I look back on my life, I rejoice in the moments where I was so broken and hurt that I had no other option than to turn to Jesus.

I rejoice in the heart He has given me. Every scar. Every broken piece.

I rejoice in Him.

So while it seems like I am back at square one and left to figure out this life alone, I can’t help but be overwhelmed with joy for being right where I am.

I love this journey.

I love being pursued relentlessly.

I love being so utterly broken and feeling the strongest Arms embrace me, whispering the sweetest of love songs.

Storms will come and storms will pass.

Rejoice in the storms.

Dance in the rain.

You are not alone.

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you….since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you..” Isaiah 43: 1-4





**Quotes from Pastor Danny Lamonte and Ross Strader, respectively.