Well…it’s time to wake up and smell the roses.
Or coffee.
Because you didn’t get roses.
Because you’re single.
And the only thing you get is the sympathy, “One day when you find true love you’ll appreciate this day.”
To be completely honest, I love Valentine’s day. I’m such a romantic at heart, (keep it a secret or I’ll kill you). I love everything about the day. The sappy love cards, the chocolate, the flowers, the chocolate…kissing, hugging…..and chocolate.
Such a sweet, sweet day for all those who are in love.
See what I did there?? I crack myself up.
Yesterday I was going through one of my old journals from last year because I was curious to see what my prayers were on this sappy day and see if they were any different from what they are now.
You see, last year was my first Valentine’s day to be single since about the 4th grade. Since I’ve always been “one of the guys,” I’ve always had a boyfriend (even if it only lasted through this gift-giving kind of day). And Daddy always brought us girls flowers and chocolate on his way home from work.
I’ve always been spoiled on Valentine’s day and last year was the first time in the history of ever that I wasn’t.
At all.
No flowers. No chocolate.
Pretty sure the only thing I got was a chocolate donut with pink, red, and white sprinkles from my boss. Who bought them for everyone.
My journal was so dramatic.
“Woe is me for having no one to love and be loved by!!”
Just kidding. It wasn’t that bad.
But it did end with, “Well, at least I know Jesus loves me on more than one stupid day, even with my awful morning breath and terrible sweaty self after running.”
See?? I can be positive.
But to be completely honest, I was in pieces. I wanted to stay in bed all day, cry, and avoid all contact with the outside world.
I simply did not know how to handle being alone on a day meant for two.
I blamed it on my past poor choices in men, on the fact that I still drank too much, and that nobody wanted a broken girl like me.
I was a mess for sure.
But this year I must admit that I am quite content.
Of course it’s fun to send “forever alone” type Valentine’s cards to my other single friends, but it’s really not that bad.
Being single on Valentine’s day means I don’t have to drive myself crazy thinking of the perfect gift to give, I don’t have to buy a new outfit for the evening, and most importantly, I don’t have to shave my legs.
It’s a beautiful feeling, really.
And this Valentine’s, I will spend it with a close girl friend of mine and the family I have become a part of. We will laugh, giggle, eat a ton of chocolate, and love the mess out of each other.
I’m sure sister friend and I will end up watching sappy love movies and talk about future dream husbands, but we don’t need it to be Valentine’s day to do that.
I think one of the reasons why I am so content with being alone this Valentine’s is because my heart is full. I’m no longer torn up about past relationships and the oh so awful things they did to me (and I did to myself). I’m not desperate for a relationship to make me happy. My heart is full of joy simply because I know I am loved and I have plenty of people that I get to love on.
My heart is full because I have 5 little siblings that the Lord has blessed me with, whose faces light up when I walk in the door and arms that surround me when I leave. My heart is full because I have a nephew in heaven, laughing, fishing and playing baseball with my Papaw.
But here’s the ultimate reason: my heart is full because Christ is in it.
Classic answer, I know. But it’s true.
And for the first time I actually feel it and believe it. So shush it.
Every inch is filled with His love, grace and mercy. This past year, He has taught me not only who I am, but who He is. He is my Father, my Friend, my Savior and my Pursuer.
He takes me as I am, flawed and all.
He loves that I can never make up my mind, that I’m ridiculously stubborn and that even though I put up a tough exterior, I’m the biggest sap there is.
He has given me strength, courage, boldness and wisdom to tackle the challenges that have been thrown at me. He comforts me during the loneliest nights and dances with me in the rain.
Jesus is stinking awesome; the best Boyfriend I could ever dream of.
It hasn’t been an easy journey getting to where I am now. There have been quite a few nights where I have been angry with Jesus, angry with past lovers, and angry just because I didn’t like where I was along the path. I’ve had plenty of days where the loneliness inside me screamed so loud, I would cry. I would want to hold my head between my hands and scream right back at the lies the devil whispered.
That’s all the devil ever does. Lie on top of lie, he thrives in our minds when we’re weak. You’re worthless. You’re not good enough. Girl, you really messed up that relationship when you said this and did that. Look at all the mistakes you’ve made! No one will ever love you with a past like that. You’re dirty. You’re tainted. You’re disgusting.
He’s really a charmer, isn’t he?
But the Lord has given me the strength to fight those lies. He has reminded me that I am worthy because I’m His daughter; the daughter of a King. He has poured forgiveness over me and wiped away every bit of dirty grime that covered my body. He has held me in the nights where I’ve cried myself to sleep because of the guilt I felt for turning away from Him. Jesus has been so good to me, so patient and tender, even in my harshest moments.
What He has shown me above all else is that I’ve been redeemed.
We all have.
"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace," Ephesians 1:7.
"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace," Ephesians 1:7.
Redemption happened the night Jesus was denied. It happened when He was beaten, cursed, and nailed to a tree. Redemption happened the moment He walked out of the tomb.
All of my sins, all of your sins, gone. Washed away. Forgiven.
That is love. And no lie from the evil one will ever take that away from me.
While I might not have a Valentine, I know I am loved. I WILL be spoiled today because I’m a princess. I have already been spoiled with a beautiful sunrise, fresh Ethiopian titled coffee (I’m so sweet to me) and dog nails digging into my stomach.
Gosh, I’m just the luckiest.
So to all you single ladies: enjoy not having to shave your legs. And please, eat the entire pint of ice cream. On top of the brownies. And chocolate covered strawberries. Jesus will love you and that’s all that matters.
To all you men: suck it up and go buy Granny some flowers. It’s what Jesus would do, I’m sure.
"Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool." Isaiah 1:18
