So I really wanted my first blog of 2014 to be something really inspiring, something that you could read and say to yourself, “Yes! Time for me to save the world! Thanks, Haley!”
But I’ve got nothing.
I thought about writing my New Years resolutions, but I would hate for it to be so controversial that it goes viral and I have a million upset young twenty-something girls write a blog in response.
I even considered writing about love and marriage since that is another hot topic these days.
But considering I am neither in love or married, and have about as much knowledge on both matters as a 3-year old (“love is chocolate cake and coloring”), I figured I wouldn’t be much help.
So here is my first 2014 blog: an update about my upcoming Romania trip.
The first week of December, I sent out 80ish support and update letters. That’s double what I sent out last year.
Within a week, I had $500.
A month later, I now have $1,700 (ish).
Holy wow.
The amount of support I have received already is overwhelming. With each check I receive, my heart swells with thankfulness. I usually have to sit down, wipe the tears away, and spend a few minutes in prayer, thanking our wonderful Provider for His immeasurable love and grace.
At the end of summer, I didn’t expect to go back to Romania for another 9-weeks. With how crazy life was when I first came home, I put the thought of returning in the back of my mind. I didn’t have the time nor the emotions to deal with that kind of decision.
Then I got the email that I needed to decide by November 1.
Um, excuse me? I just got back two months ago.
And I have three tests the week before you need me to decide.
Plus baby-sitting and a job.
THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO PUT THIS KIND OF PRESSURE ON ME RIGHT NOW.
The little brat in me kept pouting, saying, “Ok Jesus, I love you a ton but right now I don’t really like you.”
But hey, that’s what God does best right? Put a butt-ton of pressure on us when we think we can’t handle it, only to realize that if we just trust in Him everything is going to be ok?
So I finally started to pray about going back to Romania. Every time that I thought about being with my kids again, I felt their sweaty hands in mine and heard their sweet giggling in my ear. When I thought about being there for another 9-weeks, I felt joy overwhelming my heart.
“Go home, Haley.”
But I still couldn’t muster the courage to write the confirmation email.
What if I was just high on emotions? What if I was wanting to go back for selfish reasons? What if I was going back because I would feel guilty if I didn’t?
“Go home, Haley.”
Most of you know that I was basically raised in a barn. I showed a pig, a few goats and a handful of horses. I loved every bit of it and there are plenty of times when my heart aches to have those years back.
I loved the smell of poop, hay, and feed.
I loved working the colts, seeing them sweat and power through the deep sand. I loved watching them transform from a scrawny little foal into a stunning yearling.
But one thing I didn’t love was the gnats that came with them.
That annoying little buzzing that wouldn’t get out of your ear no matter how many times you slapped yourself in the head. Even worse was when you swallowed them or they flew up your nose.
I’m pretty sure 99% of my daily protein intake was from gnats.
These days, the gnats in my ear have been replaced by Jesus.
HE WON’T GO AWAY. Seriously.
I try to slap Him away, but He always comes back.
I try to fly-spray myself in the face, but that Guy is like, I dunno, God or something.
He can’t be killed. He can’t be swatted away. He just keeps buzzing back, reminding me of what I need to be doing.
“Go home, Haley.”
He kept whispering those words in my ear. Soon the whispers turned into a low mumble, then an inside voice, and finally football game shouting.
I had the answer I had been longing for.
I’m not going back for selfish reasons or guilt. I’m not going back because the last 4 months have been packed full of emotions.
I’m going back because Jesus told me to.
Romania is my home. It’s where my heart is, where my family is, where I grew-up.
Maybe that’s why I’m so thankful with each check that I receive. Because y’all are sending me home. Because I have done nothing to deserve this kind of support. Because God is so unbelievably gracious and He loves me enough to take me back to the place that changed my life forever.
When I thought I couldn’t handle to pressure of making such a big decision, the Lord reminded me to trust Him. When I thought I had too much going on to hear His voice, He made sure to shout. When I doubted myself, my emotions, He overwhelmed me with His spirit of peace and confidence.
He is so good to me. So very good to us all.
So there it is. My Romania 2014 update.
Thank you. Each and every one of you, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU.
And even more thanks goes to the ever-constant gnat in my ear that I have come to really love AND like: Jesus.
That Guy. So stinkin’ awesome.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21
